Monday, June 23, 2008

Bare with me, as I FREAK OUT for a moment

The title says it all. I am having a major freak-out moment today. It probably doesn't help that I'm shut-in today with the flu. It gives me way too much time to think, and to stress. I mean, I would normally consider myself a pretty easy going individual, who is willing to roll with the punches. But our upcoming life changes are a little too much for me to grasp at the given moment. I'll probably decide to feel fine about it again tomorrow, but today....ummmm....not so much.

First of all, I'm not sure I want to find out what it will be like to not see Tom for over two months. Besides the fact that he is my best friend, someone I can talk to about anything, and the person I rely on for support in all things, it's just plain going to be hard to do everything on my own. A few specifics that come to mind...Tom is the one who runs to Jackson or Joni's side if they cry in the middle of the night. If Jackson needs nursing, Tom brings him to me and then takes him back when I'm done. He also gets up with Joni first thing in the morning and gets her going for the day. He's even really good at rescuing me in the evenings, which happens to be mine and Joni's hardest time of the day. By then we're both getting tired, restless, and ready for daddy to come home and intercept.

But that's just the beginning of my freaking out. When I'm thinking clearly, without nauseousness and fever, I know I can do anything for two months. But then my mind quickly realizes the changes in my life that will last 2 YEARS! Now, that's another story. How does one pick up their two little children, fly to the other side of the world, and go about the business of life as usual? How will I know where to shop? Or know what I'm buying at the grocery store when the writing is in Hebrew? What if I get lost and can't find someone who speaks English? And more importantly, what if we can't afford an apartment with good air conditioning!?! :)

Last but not least, finances. I am so sick of forking over thousands of dollars that we don't have to pay for things...plane tickets, tuition, summer dorm fees, etc. It is hard for my mind to wrap around the idea of living completely off student loans. Yes, you read that right. Tom is not allowed to work while he's over there. Apparently, he will be required to get a student visa, which will make it impossible for him to get a work visa at the same time. Ouch.

Well, for everyone's sanity, I think I'll end there. And I apologize in advance if I've ruined anyone else's day. And if you've made it this far, thanks for reading.

I know that amid all this, I have SO much to be grateful for...including Tom getting into grad school in Israel. Maybe tomorrow I'll be feeling a little better, and can write another post on more positive things. Hopefully by then, I will wonder why I was so freaked out - today.


Jared and Tara said...

awww amy! i'm so sorry you're having a rough day. i don't blame you though, those things are scary, but i know that it will work out for you guys. i hope you feel better. i wish i was there to help you out!

HoopTroop said...

Let me start out by saying you are hilarious my friend. I am sorry you are sick that is absolutely horrible because Mom's don't get sick days. I love to read your fun Blog you have a adorable family. I can't imagine not seeing Billy for two months but like you said we can withstand anything for two months I am sure your family will help and Close friends especially me will be more than willing to hang out and have play dates. Have you looked at the church out there? My cousins grew up in Isreal and loved it but they survived because of their friends in church. I know you will survive just fine you have such a great personality who wouldn't want to help you read the hebrew words for Yogurt or whatever other thing you are trying to buy. And I know that heavenly father answers prayers for certain reasons and things will work out. Your knees may be worn out and your pillow may be sopping wet but Heavenly Father is always there. So much for a quick comment huh!!!

Sarah said...

As I'm posting this "tomorrow", I really hope the freak out has passed. If so, be thankful that it's over and now you can focus on why this opportunity is so amazing and worry a little less about the scariness. If it hasn't passed, let it linger. You need to freak out a little. You deserve it. I think freaking out has a bad wrap and is a totally underrated coping mechanism. I can't really offer any valuable advice since anything I've ever gone through isn't nearly as big as what you're about to experience, but I can offer you our prayers and support however we can. We sure love you guys! :)

breanne said...

Amy, I don't want to downplay your worries. But I do want to give you a little bit of comfort. Having lived in Israel (and I was just there last week), let me tell you that you will absolutely love it. I rarely had a problem with finding people who spoke at least a little bit of English. Even if they didn't speak English, they were always willing to help, especially the Palestinians (and I didn't know Arabic last year). And you will love the people in the branch. Living in Israel was the best time of my life, and I am totally excited for you guys!